# Day 51.

My dear honey precious. The date that i mentioned, is the date since we had issues. Since that day i've been very sensitive. Every single thing that happens, makes me scare and tremble. I dont know why do i feel like this. But i'm really regretting for what i've did to u. Yes honestly, i'm still sensitive now. But i never annoy u with those things anymore. Altho i saw some call logs from ur phone from some unknown numbers, i'm not dare to ask u. Cuz i knew we would quarrel if i asked who is that, i'm just worried. Now that u've slept, i'm blogging here to speak out everything. Since u don't know i started blogging back, :) when u see all these. U maybe angry, or may not. It's hard to express how i feel, yes i trusted u. But theres many feedbacks from other peoples that u've changed as well. Until now i'm still scared, but i trusted u. Don't u realize these days I never talked much with u when we met in the times i fetched u from work? Cuz i dont want to annoy u, making u pekchek or whatsoever. I'm barely fed up with quarrels. Yes, quarrels would be uninvitable, but. We have to tolerate each other right? Whatever u gonna do, at least inform me. I know it's hard for u these days in work, but I'm still there to fetch u every nights. Going through all these tiredness with u, i'd tried so hard for u. I don't know whether u felt this or not. But everything i said, i really cared. Previously when i annoys u with those past times what u did, i never blame it on u. Cuz it's my fault been abandoning out distance, and i don't even knew about it. Seriously, i don't feel like our distance is pulling afar last time, After all these days since the issues happened, I've been worried so many days. I never told u anything, but i will just write it down here, someday u'll see everything i wrote here. I'm not a good boyfriend, but i will do my best for u. I'll just hope u will be there for me whenever i needs u. Ur not an ordinary girl, ur a playful type. I'm just purely scared i'll lose u again. Cuz when first time happened, there would be second time. I'm sorry, i'm trying so hard to forgive, but not forget. I can tell u, i do have a deep scar in me already, since those days what u did. But whatever i did recently for u, u should felt how i feel. Ur work is tired, yes. I;ve been asking u to concentrate on work, but don;'t take out attentions for me. Yes we've been sweet these days again. But how long can we last? I don't know. Sometimes, i stalked ur phone things, like that day i saw 2 malaysia numb called u. One is in 3 plus midnight, but that night u told me ur sleeping in 2plus. The conversation with u and that number is around 3minutes plus. I don't know whether am i doing right. But i just hope u will really appreciate what i did for u. Don't because of some simplle things and gets angry.I'm pekchek when we quarrel, but i'm not dare to argue with u back, just to tolerate and comfort u back. After all these things happened, i don't care much about it anymore. I'm still stalking ur facebook. And i can't find anything that u lied to me, And that kinda makes me relieves sometimes.It's all about love, i just want more cares and loves from u, like how u do previously. But don't lie to me behind my back, anything just tell me. Even if u don't likes me anymore, or ur getting fed up with it, tell me anytime. I just have these things to say. I need u to mend  me back, i had a deep scar inside me. But after recently, overall. We had changed for some. Some things we did, linked to what we did last time. From the day i liked u, is the day u broked up with ur EX. Hearing u cried is really making me heart pain. We had a lot of memories, but those memories we had together is much. U even hurted me once, by saying their treating u alot better than me, But honestly, how sweet can a guy for a girl he wants to change. I don't know, but i did this to Mei Kean as well last time. Maybe its a punishments for me, I don't know the reason why, whatever u did last time. I;m still trying to accept, But not so much anymore. Cuz we quarreled often recently. And ur the one who walks away ignoring me. How hurt am I, u won;t know. Yes u gets pissed off sometimes when i mentioned about last time. I just wanted to know everything. Even that night we sat downstairs my house, someone texted u and asked whether are u still outside. and u said just ignore them. Maybe these days u still have some contacts with other boys. But i hope, those contacts would just be normal friends. I dont want any issues anymore, Seriously. As u said, ur here for me. Yes i know, u had ur worktimes recently, so our time is tight. we can only meet around 2 hours, I gets jealous everytime i get to know u played with ur collegues, or texted others. I understand everything. U don't know how i feel recently, cuz i'm acting like i'm like last time. Doesnt it? :) Everything i do, i thinks about u. From work, to relationship. The only thing is why would u changed so much, in one months time, But yes u promised me that we will go back to how we previously do. All i did, is only wanted give u memories from the day we met, I feel love, and ur the one who gives me in these 10months, Maybe 10months is not much, but yet not little, Do u remember what we';ve gone through? what i;ve gone through? U don't, cuz i dont really wanted to tell u. Cuz it's either ur giving me cold replies, or ur just getting pekehck about it.I'm scared for whatever i do, u will gets pisssed off. Work should be fine for now, since Annie guarenteed u. :) Anyways, all these is always for u. And all my statuses is about u in Facebook as well. YES BABY, I'M STILL STALKING ALL THE TIMES. BUTT, I NEVER FIND ANYTHING THAT UR LYING TO ME.We shoud tell everything out someday, if we keeps everything in heart, there will only be breaking up. Its going 10th months.Sometimes i felt like ima useless boyfriend, i need security from u, Yes i'm selfish, but i dont care, Okays baby, I told it everything in this BLOG. Iloveyouhoney. :))! Let's last long! :D!